middle finger press
middle finger press
where each word is lovingly typed by hand

 Even BIllionaires NEEd 

to escape

 

 

 

hand-crafted fiction written for titans of industry, Bilderbergs, and oligarchs

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Billionaire e-Bookclub®

From the original publisher of Lord Vishnu's Love Handles and The Worthy comes The Neon Palm of Madame Melançon, the first novel ever marketed for the sole amusement of the billionaire class. While perhaps the most expensive e-book ever created, this luxury edition of Will Clarke's mind-bending mystery is also the inaugural reader selection for our Billionaire e-BookClub®.  The Neon Palm of Madame Melançon e-book debuts at $9,999.99. While this price might be out of reach for even most millionaires, this precious 1st edition e-book is chump change for our target demographic. For mere plutocrat peanuts, you can now read an e-book written for the minds of Elon Musk, Ivanka Trump, Peter Thiel, and that guy who owns Chick-fil-A. 

Only a fraction of the cost of a presidential weekend at Mar-a-Lago, A Birkin HanDBag, or a  Russian Pee Pee Party

(wink, wink, tinkle, tinkle, comrade)

You see, Ivanka and Chick-Fil-A guy, Will Clarke's luxury-priced sci-fi adventure was designed specifically for people like you, people who demand only the finest, people who have, up until now, been forced to download poor people e-books onto their gold-plated Kindles. Our exquisite little novel fixes all that—finally a luxury e-book for people who want to "suck out all the marrow of life." 

To those of lesser financial means, we do realize that spending this kind of money on a novel may seem extravagant, maybe even frivolous—what with the water in Flint, Michigan and the money you will soon need for your healthcare. But one day, we may come out with a regular-person editions for non-billionaire types (think Tesla in five years). Now move along. Millionaires and below shouldn't even be on this site. Go read The Robb Report or go pretend you're Robin Leach or something. We are talking strictly to billionaires here. 

Billionaires! For you people Who Change Things—you crazy ones, you square pegs in round holes

Middle Finger Press is committed to acquiring only a top 1% readership. We are striving to break the barriers of price, literacy, and even decency with our Billionaire e-BookClub® 1st editions. In fact, our exclusive e-books are specifically targeted to the minds bold enough and the hearts brave enough to put dents into universes. 

Billionaires!

For you people—you crazy ones, you square pegs in round holes—truly are the ones who control our future when it comes to climate change.

You are our only hope.

The robots are coming, boys and girls, our antibiotics are failing, and it's getting hotter every day. So let this science fiction novel be the first place to spark your desire for a brighter future. We need your help to save this small blue planet. We need your imagination and your dreams, and most of all your empathy. And that surprisingly enough can start with reading small works of fiction like the ones we publish. That's the thought anyway.

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BookS Make You Richer

on the inside

THE NEON PALM OF MADAME MELANÇON was sent to you as a warning flare from the future: 2030 to be exact—a time when only billionaires can afford the luxury of books, air, and fresh water. This novel will spark the subtle awakening of 2017. At least we hope.
— The Bureau of Humanity

ReadING NOVELS

 has been scientifically proven to increase empathy

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DOWNLOAD FROM Your YAcht Or Island 

 

What Do You BUy Yourself When You have Everything? WhatEver You Want. And We Have WHAT YoU Want.

With your fortune, you can buy just about anything you want: A diamond encrusted helicopter. A private island with its own heirloom variety of coconuts. A robot to put your brain in after you die. A rich interior life full of equanimity, compassion, and wisdom.

Your Heirloom Coconuts Can Grow Here While You REad Our e-Books

But how do you put a pricetag on something as hard to find as a "rich interior life?" Where does one purchase such an elusive luxury? Right here. That's where. Okay, you can't actually buy equanimity or wisdom per say. But you can read fiction. Studies show reading fiction improves empathy, and empathy is the key to compassion, and compassion is the pathway to peace (See how that works!). So be an omnivore of novels. Feast on the works of Albert Camus and Toni Morrison; Margaret Atwood and George Orwell; Peter Kennedy Toole and Anne Lamott; Will Clarke and Flannery O'Connor. You get the pictiure. Every novel you read lights a candle in your soul and glows inside you for the rest of your life. Reading fiction illuminates prejudices and warms the colds spots that we all have deep inside us. Novels allow us to see the world through the eyes of others. Fiction expands our mind and introduces new ideas in the best place possible: our imagination. Reading is an act of co-creation. It's you and the author, dreaming together. It's, dare we say, a sacred act that at times can rewire your very matrix. You, Monsieur Billionaire and Madame Plutocrat, want only the finest. Well, you'll want to start reading our books today.

This Used To Be

 

an IceberG.

 

Please Start Reading.

LUXURY BOOKS SET AT PRICES TO KEEP THE RIFF RAFF OUT

Where would Prada be without the price tag? On every poor persons' foot, that's where. And then you wouldn't want Prada anything anymore. At Middle Finger Press, we understand all too well how Billionaires think. We've studied them closely. We know exactly what makes them tick. That's why we've priced our books through the roof—so you will desire them in ways that make you burn a little every time you don't buy one. 

"What's a matter? Can't affordable the extravagance of a $10k e-book, Donny? I can assure you Richard Branson wouldn't blink an eye at this price. Marc Cuban just bought two. Putin's downloaded ten just to show his might!"

And then, Ding! There goes Donny's Centurion Card scanning across our payment system, and now we're $10k richer and Donny is on his way to a life full of compassion and hope. Don't you just love marketing?


NO Stressful scenes of poor people living in terrible circumstances without healthcare or Proper Nutrition 

We know that reading to enrich your soul probably sounds like a radical hippie idea. So, Donny, we aren't going to push things too far at first.  We don't want to make you uncomfortable or angry like those moms at Highland Park High School when they banned Toni Morrison, Jeanette Walls, Sherman Alexie, and that book about the working poor. We have more compassion for your plight than to do that shove Angela's Ashes or 1984 in your face.

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No Worries

we'll start slow

We know your station in life can be so stressful. But you know the old saying, "What you own often ends up owning you." And you own a lot, Donny. So we'll start slow with a simple oil spill and a magical missing mother. That's the plot of our first book club selection. It's practically a comedy. You'll be laughing your way to a richer, deeper soul in no time. Boatloads of empathy and understanding are coming your way.

Before I joined the Billionaire e-BookClub®, I thought climate change was some bizarre liberal conspiracy. Now, I’m not so sure.
— Octogenarian Oil Baron
 
 
 
 

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Do We have Your Attention, Donny?

 

Sign up for our Billionaire e-Book Club® newsletter. Let us stretch your imagination enough so that you will finally understand that climate change is not a work of fiction.

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